i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
