Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
