Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
