Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
