You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
