First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.