If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
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The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
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Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual