There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED