I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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sick fucks of a feather flock together
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this