Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
