i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange