I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
