If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
