guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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