Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
