I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
