I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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