Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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