batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
