I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They are going to name an STD after you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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