Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
