Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
