I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
