bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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