I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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