as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
