Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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