Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
