she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
