Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
