I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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