Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
