Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
