His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
