I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
