There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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