there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
