3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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