Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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