I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
