we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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