Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
