Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
