Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
