this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
