he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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