Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You left your phone here
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