It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Moan for me like Helen Keller
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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