I puked a lego.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
