What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
