There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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