the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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