Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
