i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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