she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
