Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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