Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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