just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
