My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
