we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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