I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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