you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
