You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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