I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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