there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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