mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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