just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
