I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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