I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
