? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
