Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
