Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
