I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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