so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
