Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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